You are of service; you do good in the world; and we can't help people more than they can take in the help (plus I believe it's not the therapist themselves that do the work, the therapist holds a mirror, and the fixing "occur" asinsomuch as the person's system is capable of taking it in; Even shamans don't do the job themselves and ask the helping spirits or power animals to go retrieve the soul part or whatever) So I think it's not so much about being "strong enough" to help people out, as it is about being well accompanied, grounded enough and accepting it doesn't always work (that's the hardest part!)
"Psychopaths" (don't like that phrasing either) do exist,we all encounter them, so I don't think anyone "attracts them like a magnet". More like viruses, we all encounter them, but it's easier to get rid off them without thinking of it with a healthy immune system (and yes, late-stage capitalism rips us of that, physically, socially, energetically)
(don't blame yourself is what I'm saying. You can catch a cold and still be a valuable therapist. Same thing!)
Thank you Souki. Love your perspective on things. 🩵 I can feel the nuance. It is very valuable to think about that... Love the comparison with the virus/immunity!!!!!! I guess I am just very sensitive - and very porous - and basically (its me!) I always try to question myself and my position … it has always been part of my being. 🤗
Porosity is essential to staying human and being able to question oneself and our part in whatever happens to us can be quite empowering. Kudos to you to nourish those abilities in yourself! (So essential to be a good therapist and artist)
Yesterday, I was listening to an experiential conversation on entitlement by Suzy Tucker (a family constellation facilitator) which I found quite illuminating.
She said entitlement is actually a vulnerability (entitled/narcissistic people deep down don’t feel adequate, able to navigate the world so they stay put and demand the world comes to them in a very specific manner (and we all hold a piece of that in ourselves which can help us understand the behaviour better).
She also mentioned that while we can love their heart, while relating to them she recommended seeing them as a storm (the storm will take us out of ourselves and we’ll end up behaving like it.)
So she suggests we should NOT engage on the same plane of their demands.
While some people can stay too long in dysfunctional and soul draining relationships, others take a look at the person, identify the danger and decide to NOT go there,
So the question to ask ourselves in her view would be « why did I choose to go head on into the storm, what’s the resonating piece in me? »
(e. g : « only me can save them, protect the rest » or etc)
(And as usual identify where that belief was forged, where that behaviour began in ourselves to better shelter ourselves from the next storms)
(And to show ourselves grace, and repair the damage when we don’t. Sometimes we don’t see it coming. Sometimes (if we grew up in stormy areas) it feels so much like home.
Much love (I really appreciate your shares and I salute your bravery in being so open)
Sage. Thank you. From the depths of my broken and lost soul... As I read this piece I thought I might be a psychopath... not exactly as the word is typically used, but in that I feel my soul is so broken and/or lost, or deeply buried to the point of irretrievability. The endnote makes such perfect sense. As an empath I feel so very deeply the emotions and hurt of others... and being raised to be so conscious and concerned about what others think of me, I have a very difficult time putting myself first and end up resentful and often behaving like a psychopath towards loved ones. (I have a lot of writing to catch up on for my own peace of mind to work through some of that.) As an empath it makes perfect sense then, that narcissists and empaths are so very similar. I am grateful for the recommendation of the Trauma Rewired podcast and will be listening in soon. Thank you for your deep and insightful words. I feel much less alone when I read what you share here. Thank you.
Beautiful Michelle! It’s hard being sensitive. It’s so easy to look for what’s wrong with you, instead of seeing your sensibility as the super power it actually is. 🩶
You are of service; you do good in the world; and we can't help people more than they can take in the help (plus I believe it's not the therapist themselves that do the work, the therapist holds a mirror, and the fixing "occur" asinsomuch as the person's system is capable of taking it in; Even shamans don't do the job themselves and ask the helping spirits or power animals to go retrieve the soul part or whatever) So I think it's not so much about being "strong enough" to help people out, as it is about being well accompanied, grounded enough and accepting it doesn't always work (that's the hardest part!)
"Psychopaths" (don't like that phrasing either) do exist,we all encounter them, so I don't think anyone "attracts them like a magnet". More like viruses, we all encounter them, but it's easier to get rid off them without thinking of it with a healthy immune system (and yes, late-stage capitalism rips us of that, physically, socially, energetically)
(don't blame yourself is what I'm saying. You can catch a cold and still be a valuable therapist. Same thing!)
Thank you Souki. Love your perspective on things. 🩵 I can feel the nuance. It is very valuable to think about that... Love the comparison with the virus/immunity!!!!!! I guess I am just very sensitive - and very porous - and basically (its me!) I always try to question myself and my position … it has always been part of my being. 🤗
I’m so happy you find that perspective useful!
Porosity is essential to staying human and being able to question oneself and our part in whatever happens to us can be quite empowering. Kudos to you to nourish those abilities in yourself! (So essential to be a good therapist and artist)
Yesterday, I was listening to an experiential conversation on entitlement by Suzy Tucker (a family constellation facilitator) which I found quite illuminating.
She said entitlement is actually a vulnerability (entitled/narcissistic people deep down don’t feel adequate, able to navigate the world so they stay put and demand the world comes to them in a very specific manner (and we all hold a piece of that in ourselves which can help us understand the behaviour better).
She also mentioned that while we can love their heart, while relating to them she recommended seeing them as a storm (the storm will take us out of ourselves and we’ll end up behaving like it.)
So she suggests we should NOT engage on the same plane of their demands.
While some people can stay too long in dysfunctional and soul draining relationships, others take a look at the person, identify the danger and decide to NOT go there,
So the question to ask ourselves in her view would be « why did I choose to go head on into the storm, what’s the resonating piece in me? »
(e. g : « only me can save them, protect the rest » or etc)
(And as usual identify where that belief was forged, where that behaviour began in ourselves to better shelter ourselves from the next storms)
(And to show ourselves grace, and repair the damage when we don’t. Sometimes we don’t see it coming. Sometimes (if we grew up in stormy areas) it feels so much like home.
Much love (I really appreciate your shares and I salute your bravery in being so open)
I love the image 🌪️ I have been «nurtured» by a storm. Thats why I cant escape them probably…
Sage. Thank you. From the depths of my broken and lost soul... As I read this piece I thought I might be a psychopath... not exactly as the word is typically used, but in that I feel my soul is so broken and/or lost, or deeply buried to the point of irretrievability. The endnote makes such perfect sense. As an empath I feel so very deeply the emotions and hurt of others... and being raised to be so conscious and concerned about what others think of me, I have a very difficult time putting myself first and end up resentful and often behaving like a psychopath towards loved ones. (I have a lot of writing to catch up on for my own peace of mind to work through some of that.) As an empath it makes perfect sense then, that narcissists and empaths are so very similar. I am grateful for the recommendation of the Trauma Rewired podcast and will be listening in soon. Thank you for your deep and insightful words. I feel much less alone when I read what you share here. Thank you.
Beautiful Michelle! It’s hard being sensitive. It’s so easy to look for what’s wrong with you, instead of seeing your sensibility as the super power it actually is. 🩶
Sending much LOVE, Sage