Two years ago, almost exactly, end of august 2020, I discovered the work of Christina Rasmussen. Without much thought, I immediately decided to take the next course available with her. It was a sudden and unrefined “call”. Quite weird to be honest: I did not know her from before, I did not read any of her books and I was not even specially interested in the subject she works with: death. I had just finished listening to a podcast where she was invited to talk as a guest. So, to jump like this into the arms of an unknown person, to decide to follow someone random in the crowd, the whole thing was quite irrational. Specially since I was already in the middle of 2 trainings - that became online in 2020 due to the pandemic and the lockdowns, and I had more than enough work at the University and also less and less time for myself.
But there I was, like pushed and attracted! I remember feeling puzzled and ignorant about what was actually “grief” work. I search a little on the net but could not really find my path. It is also then that I discovered Stephen Jenkinson who’s work I have followed since, continously and with reverence.
I remember writing the email to Christina in a state of increased activity and agitation. But I put up my best warm and impulsive tone and presented myself shortly, how I came across her work and basically just telling her the truth: “I really need your teaching, now, I feel it, I don’t know why”. Within some hours, I got a response by her assistant, Leane I think her name was, telling me Christina read my mail and that I was accepted in the next cohort starting in the next days. If my “call” was a sign, her generosity and immediate response was also a sign. Let me also add here that she invited me to the course for free! And that is just so amazing…
I have never been so much interested in working with grief or loss or in the “death trade” as Stephen says. I was lucky enough not to have missed anyone in my close surrounding, family or friends. So, it was unknown territory for me to enter. I just went for it. Without asking myself too much about the why’s and the how’s. You know sometimes this is the way things are.
It is only years after - in that specific case, one day after - that you understand the real nature of the call.
I remember very well the first class; it was on 10.09.2020. 10th September is my birthday! That day, that year, I remember very well, I did not do anything special. Just a delicious dinner out in a restaurant with beloved ones and then, when back home later, the online workshop. I usually don’t do big parties or such but anyhow I was not up for much. The day before, on September 9th, my father was admitted in the hospital in La Rochelle in France. Though he was taken there in an ambulance (he was in a lot of pain) his state was not alarming. Just a heavy pain in the lower back, that he had for quite some weeks; he said he had lifted a heavy load at the supermarket. But it would not let go and so we suspected something might be broken.
I was not worried but I had him on my mind. 84 years old. Alone. You know….
In the class, I did not prepare or expect anything. I was open and curious. I somehow felt like a tourist, visiting a new country, relying entirely on the guide to make me see what I should see! No strings attached no wants or shoulds. No preconceived ideas. I just was.
After a brief welcome introduction on her work, and what this class was about, Christina guided us into our first journeying. I was very relaxed. I was breathing deeply. Around me darkness. And stillness. Everyone had gone to bed. I was open. I was there.
Follow me she said!
The journey was very intense. Quite impressive after all. It is one of those that you remember. The images, the sensations, the visions came fast. Accompanied by her voice, she played some very intriguing and quite disturbing recorded set of sounds. Loud, metallic, deep, haunting sounds. There were specially created with a sound engineer for this journey and though she gave us the permission to lower the sound so as to feel comfortable I chose to let them really loud so as to take possession of me - invade my being. I was sliding into an induced and immobile trance. I had no resistance at all. Christina was leading us with a soft and determined voice. Sometimes it can happen that the voice of the person guiding you is not good to your ears, not fitting…and then you find it hard to get into the thing. But there and then, everything was perfectly aligned.
Step by step, I was walking my inner path into another dimension.
Here after you can read 2 scenes of the journey - as detailed as they can be…
SCENE 1 (1)
We are all walking on a sandy beach. A wonderful beautiful beach. The sun is going down but still shining. Still warm. I imagine we are in Greece or in the South somewhere, it does not matter so much. We are bare foot. The sand is soft and warm. A group of women are walking together. They are sisters, mothers, elders, witches. We are holding hands. We are soul sisters each on our journey – all together – all connected – bones, breath, soul.
The sea is on the right side as we walk. Vast and blue. Peaceful mediterranean waters. In front of us, rocks. Mountains. Not high. Some vegetation, small trees above and around. It is very dry. It smells oregano, thyme, rosemary.
We walk further.
Bing …boom… The clanging sounds do not match with the beauty and the serenity of the surroundings. They are like coming from above, or underneath, like the soundtrack of a science fiction movies depicting life on moon, danger, solitude or the loneliness of the end of the world. But I let that be. I wait carefully for instructions behind the sounds. I am open for what comes next.
Christina is asking us to find a door.
But, there is no door!
I look for it around. Further. I walk further.
No door. Really.
Suddenly, we stand in front of a huge rock or should I say suddenly a huge rock stands in front of us! And there, inside the rock there is an opening. Yes there it is. There is an opening in the stone! Is this the door she asked us to find?
Is that a cave2?
I look closer.
As I look closer, the women around me are not there anymore. They have disappeared. They have other places to be. They have their own doors to find.
I am alone now. I walk very slowly.
I move towards a mysteriously opened mouth.
I am not scared. I am not impressed. I know I have to go.
I feel the call.
I need to go.
Inside.
I enter.
SCENE 2 :
I enter. It is very dark but I am not scared. It feels a little cold though.
There, I see my father.
He is on his hospital bed. The bed is floating above the ground in the middle of the cave. There is a very distinct blue light coming from above. Like a halo. In the back, a little higher than the bed, I see his father, Anastasios - “the resurrected” in Greek.
He waves at his son in a special way.
As if he was telling him “Come…”
Tears come to my eyes.
I start to feel an immense sadness inside my heart, inside the cave.
The scene is perfectly clear and I know what it means.
Suddenly, my heart bounces with joy. I see two little children, a boy and a girl at the feet of my fathers´ bed. They are so sweet. I know well who they are. Two little souls who died as babies3 – Patricia and Philippe. They have grown. They must be 5 or 6 now. They are so beautiful. They died so long ago. I have never seen any image/photo of them!
It is a very clear and very beautiful image. I kept this image close to my heart for the whole day because it was my birthday; and also the next day while I was waiting for news from the hospital.
The next day, my father died.
This drawing I did some few minutes after the journey. In my dreambook.
Photo 2 is a photo I found on the net some days after the class. I was looking for something else and suddenly this came up and I swear I got shocked since it is almost exactly the place I was in my journeying. Although the opening is a little more square than the one I visited (which was more little a round mouth) but all the rest, the vegetation, the colors, …all…Exactly that!
I have written another piece on that part of my family story - in the piece called DIGGING IN THE PAST. You might want to read it.
I also practice journeying. and it is life changing to explore the other dimensions. I hope that you have all the protection and guidance with you as you travel.. luckily long ago i learned to listen to those irrational voices. it is easier i believe as our current rational is disintegrating. thank-you for sharing this powerful and heartfelt experience and long live the magical purpose and may your father be in peace with all that surrounds him.